Lose Yourself
by Sayamynx
Summary: I need to feel it, I need to feel alive! You know it too, don't you? You just need to lose yourself sometimes! Warning: cutting and language


Lose Yourself

Disclaimer: The characters obviously do not belong to me, neither does the title. I don't think I need to say that I'm not making money from this, either.

Note: This story is NOT real. It does NOT represent anything that has happened in my life. I was listening to my Eminem CD and this idea came. That's it. No questions? Good. Then you realize this story is completely AU. AND a one-shot. I will NOT be continuing it.

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_Success is my only mother-fucking option, failure's not…_

Those lyrics replayed themselves over and over in Hermione's head as she watched the blood slide down her wrist. Her face was emotionless, completely used to the feeling of sliced flesh. She felt the adrenaline rush through the knife, making her forget the world and losing herself in her own.

The Head Girl watched the blood drip slowly onto the bathroom floor from where she was sitting on the edge of the bathtub. She watched the thin trail of red trickle down her arm, burning the skin as it went. She inhaled through her nose, smelling the sickly-sweet scent of her blood.

This was how she felt alive. The faint marks on her wrists showed where she had cut prior to this. She stared at each one fondly, remembering the reason for each scar. She slowly moved her gaze to the other arm, where more white lines showed on her slightly-tanned skin.

This had been her release ever since she started school. The feel of pain that she could control, that was what kept her going. Sure, she kept up a happy face at Hogwarts, when she was around others. Those times that she 'went to the library'? No, she was cutting in the bathroom.

The first charm she learned had been a healing charm. Even before Hogwarts, she had learned it. After she finished cutting, she closed the cut with the spell, watching as a scar appeared. Every time a blade went into her wrists, she healed it with the spell.

But right now, she wasn't done yet. She made another slice in her wrist, watching as a second trail of blood mingled with the first. Still, she felt no pain. She looked down to the small puddle of blood on the floor, staring blankly as it slowly grew larger.

And that is how Draco Malfoy found her: sitting on the edge of the Heads bathtub, knife in one hand, trail of blood going down the other arm, a puddle of blood at her feet.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Granger was cutting." Draco leaned on the door frame, keeping his surprise hidden. _What reason would Hermione have to cut? She always seems so happy around us._

Hermione slowly looked up from the puddle on the floor to the Head Boy's face. She honestly didn't care that he caught her. "I'm sure you'll be seeing many more, if we have to live with each other."

Draco was taken aback by this. She did this regularly?

"Hermione, why are doing this to yourself? You're always so happy around us," Draco asked. Though they faked hatred sometimes, they were really good friends. Even Harry and Ron were friends with him now, after the war.

Hermione chuckled darkly. "I didn't know I was that good of an actress. Honestly, you couldn't tell I was faking?" Draco stared, eyes wide.

"Why, Hermione? Please tell me why you're cutting!" Draco practically begged her. She was his best friend, and he had fallen for her. He didn't want to see her hurt again.

Hermione shook her head, charming the cut closed and cleaning up the puddle of blood on the floor. "I don't have to tell you anything." She stood up and turned away.

Draco grew angry at this. "If you don't fucking tell me, I will force it out of you!" he growled, clenching his hands into fists.

Hermione whirled around, glaring at him, breathing labored. "You want to know why I cut? You really want to know? Ever since I was young, if I wasn't perfect, I got punished. At school, if I got less than a fucking perfect score, I couldn't eat for a whole fucking day. I got only average, and I got beaten. If I failed, I got raped. Yes, that's right. My father fucking raped me! I don't think I have to say that I only failed once. Now you see why I'm always so fucking perfect here! Success is my only mother-fucking option, failure's not! That's why I cut! It's the only pain that I can control, no one else can. I need to feel it, I need to feel alive! You know it too, don't you? You need to lose yourself sometimes!"

Draco was shocked at this. Too shocked to stop Hermione from leaving the bathroom, too shocked to register the tears flowing from his eyes. All that registered was that her story was exactly why he cut as well.

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So, if you wanted that little one-sided Draco/Hermione, you got it. It's short, but I am as well, so it makes sense. Adios.


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